Lottery Scratch Ticket Nightmare
Hi! My name is Erin, and I am a compulsive gambler. My “game of choice” was scratch-off tickets. I am 47 years old, married, and we have three great “kids.”
I started out just buying one scratch-off once in a while. That quickly led to buying more and more. At first, I spent just “my own” money. When that money became not enough, I started using money that was in our checking account and our savings—money that was supposed to be used for other things.
My husband trusted me with EVERYTHING. He never looked at the checkbook—or any of the bills. I had total control of all our finances. He always worked—and worked very hard, and I knew that. Gambling took over my life. The dreams of scratching that “big ticket” became an obsession. The scratch-off tickets took over, and I was a slave to them!
My husband was working on the road as a truck driver with a new tractor trailer. He would be gone for weeks at a time. I had all the time in the weeks he was away to live in my dream world. I did take care of our children when he was gone, but I was there in body only. When I wasn’t scratching tickets, I was thinking about them! When my husband called to say he was coming home, I got this sick feeling in my stomach while I was trying to catch up everything so that it would look “normal”—whatever “normal” was as far as the checkbook—just in case he looked. I was always afraid to answer the phone! Would it be a bill collector or a credit card company?!!!!! When he was home, the telephone was almost always unplugged. (God forbid he should answer it!)
In short, my gambling eventually caused a repossession of my husband’s 18-wheeler. I was months behind on the house payments, taxes, electricity bill, and credit cards that my husband didn’t even know we had. I took advantage of his great credit in every way possible. He had no idea what I was doing. Gambling had caused me to lead two lives! I was so confused. I thought of suicide, but I knew I was a strong person; and I thought “Only weak people do that!” (That’s how confused my thinking was!) Gambling made me a person that I HATED!
In January of 2004, I entered my first GA meeting. I was overwhelmed! I kept gambling for the next thirteen months. Then, on February 25, 2005, I was arrested for writing bad checks on an account that didn’t even exist. (It had been closed for a year!) I was taken in handcuffs in a Sheriff’s car to the station 30 miles away from my house—leaving my family behind—not knowing what was going to happen.
That night—I thought at the time—was the worst night of my life! But, now, I can honestly say that it was THE BEST. It took getting arrested for me “to get with the Program.” I truly believe that one of the only things that saved me was that I DID NOT EVER STOP GOING TO GA MEETINGS!
I was told from the beginning of my first meeting that “Meeting Makers Make It,” and I am living proof! I have not gambled in any way, shape, or form since February 25, 2005. I am still married, and my children are still with me in my recovery. (They have their mother back!) I have so much to live for!
I thank God and GA—and my brothers and sisters in the Program.
–Erin R.., Watertown, NY Clara L. Memorial Chapter of Gamblers Anonymous